Blog entry 3: My five stages of lockdown

By Isabella Zamora

It’s been approximately ten days of complete lockdown in Madrid. Ten days of social interactions solely from my apartment terrace and the trek from the kitchen to the living room being my longest venture. Imagine being on house arrest. This experience much resembles what I would imagine it’s like wearing an ankle monitor. I have experienced waves of emotions so much so that I feel physically exhausted. It’s impossible to prepare yourself for this rollercoaster.

Stage 1: Content

I spent my last day before lockdown in the park lounging in the sun. I laid in the grass listening to the birds and watching dogs chase each other. I was taking mental notes of every detail in the “outside world” and storing them away to remember during the next fifteen days inside.

I left the park that day feeling full. Full from the sunshine, full from the the feeling of togetherness (while still social distancing), and full from the exorbitant amount of picnic snacks my roommate, Maddie, packed for us. She was not messing around with our last day of freedom. I felt prepared to spend the next fifteen days confined to my apartment. I had two new books and some beer in the fridge, I was content.

Stage 2: Denial

The first few days of lockdown were seemingly uneventful. There was a lot of Netflix, reading, card games, and FaceTime with family and friends. I remember thinking, “I can handle this.” I was feeling optimistic and confident my mental health would stay strong. It simply felt like a lazy weekend, if I didn’t think about it too much. When I did think about it though, the realization of how many days left in lockdown made me feel like an elephant was stepping on my chest.

Stage 3: Anxiety

The news of a global level 4 travel advisory triggered another wave of friends to leave Madrid. The fear of Spain’s situation getting much worse before it got better was also a strong motivator. There are predictions that 8/10 of Madrid’s residents could be infected with COVID-19 before this is over. I experienced anxiety around my decision to stay. Was it the right choice? I made a mental list of the pros and cons. If I stay here, I could be at risk of getting sick. If I go home, I risk potentially exposing my family.

Stage 4: Hopeless

A feeling of hopelessness began to set in as more friends left Madrid. I was finally coming to terms with how different my life here would be when this is all said and done. Previously planned trips were already being canceled and Sunday taco traditions would not be the same with half the group missing.

It broke my heart thinking of my friends who had to pack up their lives without having the chance to give this beautiful city a proper goodbye.

Stage 5: New Hope

Calle de Gaztambide social hour happens every night at 8 p.m. - without fail. There are some nights more lively than others yet still, my roommates and I stop what we’re doing every evening. We always join the neighborhood in applause and cheers to honor those still working hard while we are at home.

The street had been quieter than usual the last couple days and I feared the morale was fading amongst our new friends. Tonight though, everyone was out again with a renewed energy. New hope, if you will. Perhaps I was not the only one who had needed a mental break.

The clapping slowed as the music ramped up and the usual song requests were hollered out. Tonight however, there was a special request. On the balcony across the way, it was someone’s birthday and before I knew it, the entire street was singing “Cumpleaños Feliz.” The birthday boy blowing out a scented candle to make his wish.

We left our terraces calling out “hasta mañana!” as always and with that I felt a new strength to tackle the next half of lockdown. Although we still have a long road ahead, reminiscing on times before lockdown is confirmation that we have created irreplaceable memories here and gives me hope we will make new ones when this is all over.

About Isabella Zamora

Isabella Zamora is a born and raised Houstonian currently living in Madrid, Spain working as a Language and Culture Assistant with the Spanish Ministry of Education. Isabella is a graduate of S. P. Waltrip HS located in Northwest Houston and of the University of St. Thomas. While completing a BA in Psychology she committed four years working as a medical scribe in Houston area Emergency Departments. Isabella decided to move to Spain for the cultural immersion and as a gap period before returning to the US to pursue a career in medicine. She intends to use her experiences abroad to be a well-rounded and globally aware provider in a city as international as Houston. Until a week ago Isabella was working in the classroom with students in an English-language program but schools are not scheduled to open again until April, or until further notice. She is currently on lockdown in her apartment in the city center of Madrid for a least 15 days.